Fred Van Ackerman: What I did was for the good of the country.
Bob Munson: Fortunately, our country always manages to survive patriots like you.

I think it’s better to feel too much than to feel too little.

Say you’re here [at a movie premeire] and you get word that your mother died, you know like hit by a bus or something…You go downstairs; you shed a tear, and say, “It’s a shame…she would have loved this movie.”

The poor dope. He always wanted a pool.

Well, this is where you came in. Back at that pool again. The one I always wanted. It’s down now, and they must have photographed me a thousand times…then they got a couple of pruning hooks from the garden and fished me out. Ever so gently. Funny, how gentle people get with you once you’re dead.

She’d ask Abbot to give her Costello.

It’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman…

And in the last analysis, nothing’s any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed and there he is; without that, you’re not a woman. You’re something with a French provincial office or a book of clippings.

But you’re not a woman.

This here is Bonnie Parker and I’m Clyde Barrow. We…uh…rob banks.

That’s all television is my dear: nothing but auditions.